A self-guided tour to our inner space
I formally learned how to meditate in 2017, but have been craving the opportunity to sit with a teacher since I was young.
How could a little girl from Chile be so interested in something like meditation, when she never heard anything about it in her social context? Movies, probably. Very basic, somewhat shallow movies can have an impact on a young person trying to listen and understand their inner voices, especially when they are yet unable to comprehend their meaning.
Seven Years in Tibet comes to mind. I mean, the movie is a total hit for my young self (and current self too, I must admit). It has: Brat Pitt, as Heinrich Harrer, during WW2 on a quest to climb a big mountain which, after some imprisonment and other situations, leads him and his not-so-good-mate to Tibet, to meet young Dalai Lama. WW2, untamed nature, ancient spiritual leader, journalling narrative about the inner world of the character, finding themselves in an untouched culture full of mysticism for the europeans who had no idea what spirituality was. Encountering people with other thoughts and mindsets that are open to teach you their customs and traditions, embracing you as part of their own… A whirlwind of experiences I wish I had lived.
Okay, that was not an accurate summary of the movie, but it’s how I experienced it when I first watched it. This is a movie I go back to every now and then when I need that extra push, that “get out of your comfort zone now!” sort of push. It reminds me of that young girl who was so taken by this adventure. Who, at that time, felt somewhat trapped and wished to see more, learn about the world and what it all meant. Definitely a child full of unmet curiosity.
Fast-forward to where I am now, in this present moment, I feel like I have honoured that little girl’s dream of venturing far and beyond, to see what else is out there, to expand my field of view and find the peace I was seeking.
Challenging what you know
I’m 34 years old now which means it’s been 10 years since I left my home country. While I still think 24 was already quite old to leave, I’m glad I did it then. I was waiting for certain aspects of my life to fall into place, consciously and unconsciously. My studies, my relationships, my health, my understanding of the world, money, etc. All those things had to align before I was able to make the move that changed my life. And with that I’m not saying my life got better just because I left my country… it was more like I was getting better by letting go of everything that was keeping me too comfortable and happy enough to pursue something new. I switched from depending from other’s money and accomodations, to going on my own. It changed my life, because it was so different to anything else I had done before. You are bound to change when all the circumstances around you are nothing like what you had ever experienced. It’s the challenge that clicks something new and fresh and interesting inside you. This is now the thrill I live by: challenging myself.
How does it all translate to meditation? Well… after a year of that initial independence, where I worked pretty much 7 days a week in sometimes 3 different jobs at the same time, I decided to do something nice for myself. I went on a solo adventure to South East Asia. Only with my beloved backpack (which I still have) and a one-way ticket to Bangkok. I set off to an adventure similar to the one Heinrich Harrer had, only with a bit less drama. Unknown cultures to me, languages I didn’t understand, teachings I was craving to learn. What did I find? Everything. All I expected and did not expect. Good, bad, near death several times… it was amazing! It was definitely the place and time for me to start comprehending all of that ancient wisdom I was so keen to experience. I have been meaning to write about those travels that happened so long ago, maybe one day, but for now I just can say that this trip was where the real tour to my inner space began.
The posture that sustains the practice
Meditation started as a thing I wanted to pursue to do what old monks did. Ancient practices so deeply connected with peace. But it turned out to be sooo much more. Travelling and meditation became one. As I planned my next steps, I would meet someone for the smallest period of time but share so much insight about life that I felt like I knew them for ever. “Go to this monastery in Myanmar… it will help”, and it did. Learning how to meditate with monks and nuns in a monastery, far away from everything I’ve known was priceless. A seed had been sowed. The techniques, the habit, the devotion, the feelings were setting inside me.
The process wasn’t as peaceful as I expected. Training your mind is hard work. Especially when you have lived a life of emotional neglect. However, to challenge yourself is the key. Mindfulness, compassion, kindness, interconnectedness, self-discovery, they are all one. They are all you.
I am aware that this might be too much for someone who has no relationship to meditation, but this “ignorance” could be your instigator. I maybe had a predisposition to this because I wanted to know and understand what Buddha did, what the Dalai Lama talked about, what the monks I kept seeing in Bangkok were doing. Of course, I couldn’t compare myself to them, but in some way, we are all in the same track. Trying to comprehend our inner world, making peace with ourselves to deployed it to the world, spreading compassion.
The space we all have to grow
The seed has been growing for a long time now, it’s a tree that grows in me as me. It is my willingness to expand my knowledge, to create my practice out of a wide range of techniques and ideas I gather from the world around me. It’s sitting every morning I can with my legs crossed, near a window, closing my eyes and breathing deeply until my breath goes quiet and constant. It’s learning that I still have so much more to understand about me and how everything I learn can relate to someone else. Is the interconnectedness I feel with nature and with all the other beings in this earth. It’s knowing that my mind is going to wonder, that my mood is going to change, that I will be triggered by situations outside of my control, but is also validating and understanding that that’s totally fine. I can chose to stay angry and upset at the injustice of the world or I could focus my attention and my passion to change things.
Meditation has provided me with the space I needed to reflect and observe my inner world, realise I can be anything I want, because my thoughts aren’t me, my feeling don’t describe me, they are just temporary objects of my consciousness coming to say hi. So I meet them, I see what they are up to, and if I’m not very taken by them, I just let them go.
Sitting with yourself is as uncomfortable as it is to physically sit in one posture for an extended period of time. It takes time to get used to it. But after a while you let go and realise is not so bad after all.
Practice, make a habit out of something that helps you, that makes you feel alive and good. It’s the best you can do for yourself. I’m also trying my best to do the same.
